Top Ten Moments I Cannot Forgive Lara For
Overall, Lara is a good kid. She turns up where she is supposed to be, she sometimes provides hints when the controller is already halfway across the room and comes out with lines that often deserve a virtual high five.
Yet sometimes, you need to question...what the hell are you doing Lara? Why have you done that? Here are my top ten moments that I simply cannot forgive Ms Croft for:
10. Not picking up a jacket in Yamatai (TR:R)
Lara...dear...you slaughtered hundreds of men. Men in jackets. Yet you still shivered next to fires with wounds open to the elements. Trust me, it won't affect your chances of participating in Yamatai Fashion Week, grab a jacket alongside those arrows.
9. Hiding secrets in the manor, within a timed maze (TR2)
Just why Lara? I understand that it is probably all part of the security plan but if something happened to you, there is no way poor old Winston could deal with all the faffing before selling the house. Sort it out, get a fingerprint scanner.
8. Executing Handstands in inappropriate places (TR1-TRU)
You have beautiful form Lara and if archeology hadn't worked out, I'm sure you would have been fantastic at the Olympics. Despite that, caves in Nepal, Atlantis and Thai temples are probably not the places you should be showing off your skills. Especially when something/someone wants to shoot or eat you on the next ledge...
7. Making Dr Willard spill his soup (TR3)
Looked like some damn tasty tomato soup. What a waste. Well I say spill...in 1998 it was more like throw the frozen bowl across the room.
6. Wearing a headset (TRL)
Tomb Raider goes hand-in-hand with isolation. Silence, uncharted territory...having two twonks muttering in your ear when you are in Boliva is not the experience neither I nor Lara signed up for. Even she told them to shut up, should have just thrown it into a lake. Bad decision Lara.
5. Falling off St Francis Folly (TR1/TRA)
You couldn't be bothered to grab that ledge could you Lara? Well you deserved to fall three levels for that. Unforgivable.
4. Not giving Kurtis a swift kick (TR: AoD)
He turned out okay, but Kurtis was creepy as anything at the start and certainly deserved a kick in the undercrackers as a brief welcoming greeting.
3. Not moving boxes in the manor hallway (TR1)
Pure laziness.
2. Wearing shorts in snowy Tibet (TR2)
I know for a fact Winston packed some trousers in there. You are going to catch a cold! That jacket means jack all when the legs are bare.
1. Letting Alex die without a proper kiss (TR:R)
Heartless Lara. Heartless. I know your heart *may* belong to Sam (Lord give me strength) but the poor guy was going to die AND YOU FOUND HIS NOTE. I'll never forgive you for that Lara.
Look at the hope then disappointment on his face.
Heartless.
So that was ten moments that I cannot forgive Lara for, despite all the great adventures and moments she has had since 1996. Let me know what yours is by tweeting me or leaving a comment below.
Bonus point: As a cosplayer, I also cannot forgive Lara for such impractical choice of holsters, bar TR:R. I'm sure my fellow cosplayers knows exactly what I am talking about, they don't work quite as well in real life :p
0 comments :